It's getting better, isn't it? I think so...so much so I can't even bear to look at the older stuff at the bottom! I worry at what shocking errors I will find...maybe it's better that way; signs of progression!
Friday, January 4, 2008
...losing you
I can't go on. I just can't find it in me to rise from this bed. Whatever 'it' is I need has left with her. I'm left here wounded with no wounds to show. My pillow is damp from my tears, my feet are cold; just like her heart. I have no perception of time, it could be six or sixty hours, I have not a clue. All I know is that she is miles away by now, miles away from me, miles away from being 'us'. She has reached that horizon and moved on. I am motionless, alone for the first time in years. So many reminders and realisations come to light, each forming their own tears and uncontrollable truths. Here in our bed where she professed her love for me many a time. I want to burn it, with me still in it. I have no need for this 'space' any longer. If I shut my eyes and reach out I can still feel where she would be, next to me, close, warm, I can hear her breathing, her soft sleepy sighs. Now, I can only keep on reaching, desperate and finding nothing but a stray hair where she once lay. It's all I have left.
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xx